Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Night Again

Night AgainNight again, and the walls go down. They're braced with bullshit, and they topple every night when it's dark enough and I'm tired enough and there's nothing else but the steady drip of the kitchen faucet. Eating at the walls.


Night again and darkness is a blade, peeling away the skin I wear during the day. And the hurt wells up, and once again I'm choking on silence, howling without a sound, without a hope, without a shame. In the daylight, yes, I can be proud. But not at night.


It has occurred to me, mind you, that it wasn't you I fell in love with. It was a fantasy loosely based on you. It was make-believe, easy to keep up when the sun was warm and you were equally intoxicated with your own fantasies loosely based on me. Then we revealed ourselves to be all too human, and the fun ride came to a clattering halt.

It's just a theory. The sort of white noise I like to make at night, lest I hear the drip of the kitchen faucet.


Night again, and the loneliness is a toxic bubble rising up from the depths where I keep it hidden during the daytime. At moments like these I would beg like a dog, I would do anything just to feel another human heart beating against mine. Choking on silence, biting the pillow and waiting for sunrise.

© S.E. Amesse 2008